Self Identify Exercise

Self Identify Exercise

I like watching tv, especially Gilmore Girls. It makes me so deliriously happy. I like talking about tv. I love to find a new friend that likes the same shows I do. It is so exciting when someone gets when I quote a tv show. I love music. I love how music can speak to exactly what you are feeling at that time. It expresses a feeling so much better than just words. I love food, especially desserts and baked goods. I love baking. I love Europe. I love anything about Europe. Watching shows about it, watching things that take place in Europe, talking about Europe, looking at pictures…dreaming of going back…it was a dream come true and I love reliving it. I love silly, crazy, no sequester people. People who don’t judge, but just allow you to be yourself and have fun being theirselves with you. I hate people, basically all people…I just really don’t like to have to deal with other people’s quirks and problems when I can’t deal with my own. I don’t like to have to talk to people. I don’t like to socialize and interact. That comes with all these expectations and I expect too much out of myself, especially in those situations, to try and worry about other’s expectations. I don’t like sports or any other leisure that involves having to get gross and sweaty and still have to think clearly. That is why I love working out…gross and sweaty and not thinking.

Strengths—writing, good memory, good cook, good listener, loyal, dependable, a walking tv guide, helpful, funny, good with technology, acting, good imagination, organized

I overthink too much, I worry, I am not good at taking the initiative, I don’t deal well with change, I am stubborn, emotional, dramatic, and can be very single minded…to the point of obsession. I am too sensitive and take things too personally. I can’t stand up for myself and I avoid confrontation.

I believe in God. Jesus is my lord and savior. I know that if I died I would go to heaven, but right now I just don’t feel like He is here. I am not close. I am hitting a wall. I have lost my faith. I don’t feel like I believe in anything.

I used to have dreams and goals. I used to want to be an actress, then I wanted to be a movie critic, then I just wanted to find a job where I could be relatively happy most of the time. Where I could do God’s will…where He wanted me. I don’t know now. All my goals and dreams keep getting knocked down. To the point that I am so lost that I have no dreams or goals. They would all either not happen or they would happen but they wouldn’t be what you thought they would be. And that is even worse. I still do want to be in God’s will. I am just scared of what that is.

People’s expectations motivate me. Whether it is my own, God’s, my parents, people at work, friends, etc. I do most things because people expect me to. I long for people to say that I have met their expectations. I have done well.

I value my relationship with God…or I used to. It has become so depressing and distant that every time I try and spend time with Him that I get more and more depressed. So I don’t spend the time that I need to with Him. I value being happy. I value having fun and resting and sleeping and traveling. I am not so sure I am putting much effort into anything right now except sleeping and resting. That is all I want to do now.