Dread of the Little Things

9.21.09

The weekend wasn’t bad. I kept pretty busy with things around the house and had to go into work for a few hours, but I had enough to keep me busy. Yesterday wasn’t great. We didn’t go to church, so I didn’t have the horrible feeling that I get when I go to church. But the rest of the day wasn’t bad. It wasn’t great. The impending dread of today…of work…and the sadness of the rest of my miserable life.

Today hasn’t been good. I woke up with my foot hurting really bad. It hurt yesterday, but it is still hurting. It is a different kind of hurt. I don’t understand why. I feel like I am never going to get better. I am damaged for good. I am no good…why do I even bother living? The rain and work doesn’t help my mood today.

Trying to work right now. I can get one thing done at a time. One little tiny thing. I can write up an order. And that takes so much effort. I tense up and start shaking…even calling to cancel a doctor’s appointment causes me to feel like that. Every tiny little thing is just too overwhelming.