I want it to be over

8.31.09

 

Not doing well. At all. I cry so much and so hard. It is too overwhelming to sort it all out or write it down. I’m scared. I don’t know what to do and I can’t handle this. Everyone is expecting me to be strong, but they don’t know that I am barely holding on. Reach down and find the little bit of strength that is left…but it is not there. Believe and be patient. Things will get better. I can’t see that. I can’t believe. I have no faith. There is nothing. There is emptiness.

 

I don’t know what makes me cry. I don’t know what brought this on. I started feeling really bad Saturday night. This overwhelming emptiness and hopelessness. I don’t know what happened.

 

I wondered…where do I want to be in one year? What do I really want? I don’t want a new job, I don’t want a new relationship or friendship or to be farther along in my life. I just want it all to be over.