Believe

1.8.13

I just feel wretched today. I feel like trash. I feel like I can’t do anything right. I feel wretched for trying to find other jobs on my lunch break, but they have to know that they aren’t giving me any indication if they can keep me or not. They should understand that I have do what I have to do. I have to keep my options open. I guess I also don’t like having to look for another job. I want to stay here. I am comfortable here. But I am not working a whole lot. I try and do my work and I get it done, but there just isn’t a lot for me to do. I am working hard on what I have, but that’s just it. I don’t know. I’m trying just to do my best. I still feel bad about not being able to help Is yesterday, but like I tried to tell myself. She didn’t really make it very clear what she was looking for. I asked several times and never really understood what she wanted. I’m not even sure she knew. She said herself that it was not my fault that this was something that K had worked on all summer and that I wouldn’t know. Even J was confused. She rolled her eyes and it. So I just need to drop it. And I am not going to be at the meeting on Thursday, but the fact is that I will be there to set up, I just won’t be there in case someone needs something. That is crap. I shouldn’t cancel my appointment just in case someone needs something. Besides, J is going to help out. I have helped her out many times. So I should just drop it. I am fine. I am doing the best I can. I just need to take it one day at a time and just do what I can. Stop freaking out and trying to control everything. It will all workout. God says so. Take is promise.

It's not your problem, God replied 

And the rest is history

'Cause there's a bigger picture you can't see

You don't have to change the world, just trust in Me

'Cause I am your creator, I am working out my plan

And through you I will show them, I Am

 

See…he is taking care of it. Don’t worry. Ginny Owens says.

 

You can't find the answers

Till you learn to question;

You won't appear stupid

Just ask for direction.

You're insecure and it clouds your perception

So stop and listen

And learn a lesson in love without condition.

I just need to stop thinking so much. Just be. Just be peaceful and bask. Calm and peaceful. It will all workout, just trust God. Believe that He will work it out. But I’m a doubting Thomas. And I guess I have earned the right to be. Every time I get my hopes up and believe something will happen, I get the rugged pulled out from under me. Time and time again, that is what happens when I hope and believe and tell myself it’s going to be alright. So you can see why it is so hard for me to fully believe.

BELIEVE

B-Bask in His unchanging person

E-Even if hope seems lost

L-Love without condition

I-It’s not your problem

E-

V-

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