Thoughts of a Princess

I am not really a princess...I only like to think I am. I am just a regular working girl who constantly lives in a fantasy world!

Name:
Location: Chattanooga, Southeast, United States

Ok, instead of telling you about me I am going to tell you my favorite tv shows because they didn't give me a place! Buffy, Angel, Roswell, Veronica Mars, the OC, Scrubs, Gilmore Girls, Lost, American Idol, Everwood, ok well basically the WB's whole network!

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Blank

Blank spaces scare me. Especially spaces with massive amounts of pressure...to you know...create and be creative. It is so easy when it just comes to me. When I am inspired it just flows out of me faster than I can get it onto the page. And it just all fits together. It is perfect without even having to try. It is so nice. Then suddenly there is all of this pressure to actually try to write. What is that about? How can you be creative on a schedule? How can you be creative when you are so uncertain where that will lead?

So here I am. Staring at a black space...and actually writing about it. That is a new low. Just start writing people say. Other people say start a schedule and have a story board. In some ways that is me. Ultra organzied. But in other ways...it just has to come.

I sooo need to start a podcast...or carry around a tape recorder like Felicity...which I have done before and felt very stupid for doing so. I find myself always wanting one of those pensives like in Harry Potter. Then I could look at my thoughts and make sense of them and then they could somehow make it to the page and be used for something good.

My mind...my thoughts. It is my best asset and worst enemy. God gave this to me for a reason. I need to learn to control it...but I don't know how. You have no idea the thoughts that fly through my head all day long. Some are good, some are bad. Some are genius. If you ever heard them you would be impressed...possible even moved. I could cure cancer if only I could harness my thoughts. Well, I could atleast inspire someone to cure cancer...or just make someone smile.

I do need help. Compulsive. That is me.

Emily says that this is where my writing excels...stream of conciousness writing. Very James Joyce, but much sillier and easier to follow and not so drab. Portrait of the Artist really just made me want to kill myself...well, most of the books I read in high school did that...but sometimes in a good way.

I have been writing like this for as long as I could remember. Or atleast thinking like this. you can read my journals from junior year. BUT the problem is that it sounds a lot like Meg Cabot. And I don't want what happend to that Harvard girl to happen to me. I so did not steal from Meg Cabot. I just like her writing because it sounds like me. I have written like that forever.

I don't know when I got so introspective. I have been watching Dead Like Me. A show I was a little scared about but have completely fallen in love with. George, the main character, is kind of annoying, but very real and asks all of the questions that everyone else is scared to ask. She is at a place in her life (dead or alive) where she is questioning her place in the world and where her life is going. I so identify with that. Because mostly I just stare at a black page waiting for something inspiring to hit me so I can write the next Meg Cabot-type novel or Sex in the City column. But is that what I really want?