Preventing A Panic Attack

10.7.10

Mood: Anxious yet hopeful

Positive things: Good talk with Nicole about things, she likes Nickel Creek! Made me remember Nickel Creek. Made me search for new music!

So Nicole had a lot of journal assignments for today. The first one was sort of my idea. To take the first journal assignment and reset the scene of a panic attack. What can I do differently in the moment? So here goes.

 

I am at work. I already have that awful tension of anxiety on the inside of me. Brimming at the surface, waiting to come out, wanting to come out. Come out in the form of a panic attack. It’s like it wants to come out…it needs to…like it has a life of its own. Then I start to work. Things are going ok. And then something sets me off. It could be a patient that came in and didn’t have an appointment and wanted to see if they could be worked in. And then I call the nurse and can’t get the nurse on the phone. Or it could even be as simple as a patient that comes in for a flu shot. I have to put that person into the system, get them to sign all kinds of form, find the chart (not a fun thing if it is not in file) and then track down the phone nurse to get them to give the shot. And flu season is coming up and it will only get worse. STOP! STOP THINKING. Deep Belly Breath. One thing at a time. So one or two or many things like this happen. I start to think about how it will get worse because of flu season. I start to see the other patients lining up waiting for me to wait on them. I start thinking about how they think about me and what I am doing that is taking so long. How they feel when I get up to leave to find a chart or find a nurse. Where is she going? Why is she leaving? She needs to be up here to help me. I can’t believe she just walked off. I deduce all of this from their look or their leaning on the desk or just them being there at all. As I am thinking about all of this, I might remember something that I did wrong or something that I didn’t do. I didn’t arrive a patient. I still haven’t gotten a hold of the phone nurse for the flu shot or gotten a hold of the nurse about that patient’s prescription. And on top of all of that the chart is not in file and the printer is not working! Any or all of these things can happen…they start to build up. STOP! STOP THINKING. Deep Belly Breath. One thing at a time. The overwhelming feeling that is already in my brain and body is still there and the overwhelming feeling of work is piling up on top of it. My brain starts to panic. STOP!!! SLOW DOWN! Deep Belly Breath. You can handle this. You can do this. Only one person at a time. Only one thing at a time. Only one thought at a time.  You can help one person at a time. Take deep breaths. Slow your mind down. Speak slow, act slow, mind slow. There it is. You will get this done. I may not be good enough right now, but I am sufficient enough to handle this.