Doubting Thomas

I'm a Doubting Thomas.
I took a promise.
But I don't feel safe.

I love this song. I always have. Ever since I heard it in concert for the first time and then found a bootleg copy on the internet I have loved it. I used to lay and listen to it when I felt scared. I especially loved this line:

You kept Your promise.
You always kept me safe.

God has always kept me safe. And I can rely on that.

and then they went and changed the lyrics:

I'll take Your promise.
Though I know nothing's safe.

It took me a long time to figure out why they changed it. What that uncertainty meant. And then my preacher quoted something from the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. "He is not safe, but he is good."

That is what God is. He isn't safe. He isn't always going to lead you into safe and happy places. He cares more about your character and being like Him than being happy and safe. And the poing to faith is to take the promise even though you know that His way isn't always the safest way. That is faith. And that, like the song talks about, is the hardest thing off all. I will tell Him that I will do whatever he wants me to do. But deep down I am resisting and scared to death that God is going to lead me into a place where I am not comfortable and safe. And I feel like God feels me resisting. But I don't know how to stop feeling like this. It is like I have all of these little balls up in the air and I am afraid of letting go. I don't know how. I worry too much. Maybe like everything, it is a daily, hourly, minute by minute thing. You always have to remind yourself to let go. But even that is hard.

I'm a doubting thomas
I took a promise
but I do not feel safe.
oh me of little faith...