The beginning

8.5.09

 

I did not want to get up this morning. I went to bed too late last night. I was soaking my foot to try and help my blisters. It didn’t help too much. I haven’t done what I needed to do. I have been lazy. I didn’t wash my face last night and I didn’t ice my foot. And then this morning I didn’t do my foot exercises or read my Bible. And I haven’t even started doing my foot stretches. I kept forgetting. Is this all really necessary?

 

So I laid in bed for that 45 minutes and watched the style network and didn’t even wash my face this morning. I am such slacker.

 

Last night was fun. I am still limping around, but I had Bible study and I always have fun when everyone is here. We laugh and have fun but we also talk about serious stuff. And next week we are going to Rembrandts and Tonys to eat…our yearly tradition that we do on Christmas but are having a little going away party for C. I need to get her something. I am not sure what. I really hate that she is leaving. She is the glue that holds us together. I know J and B have good intentions on coming and really enjoy it but neither are very reliable about coming and I can’t keep having it in case they might show up.

 

I am working now. I was not in the mood this morning to work. That was probably the reason for not getting up and getting going. We have planned an event for every Saturday until the end of October and that means that I am going to have to work every Saturday til then! And I can’t work every Saturday even if I wanted to, I have to give the test some of the time. I am already going to miss the first ACT for that stupid Community Block Party.

 

I really should be excited about this stuff. This is my job. This should be fun. Everyone else is excited. I am just dreading it and worrying that it will all fall apart and what else are we missing. I don’t know. I am hoping that A will be there to account for the weight of the books…ie…make sure I don’t screw up.

 

I just need to focus on today. Give us today our daily bread. Don’t worry about tomorrow  and next month. I wish I could really take God’s words to heart and really believe them. I feel like there is a block…I guess that is the worry.

 

God, I really want to be with you and believe and trust you. You are awesome. You created the world! You know how things are going to work out. It is all for your glory and you won’t let me fall. I wish I could believe that. There is a block. It is like God is there just above my head and is reaching out but I am just too short. I can’t jump that high to get to him. There is something in the way.